Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
