conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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