so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
