This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
