I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
