Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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