So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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