A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
