rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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