u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
