I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize