i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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