walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
