just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
