Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
