Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize