Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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