Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
