the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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