respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize