What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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