i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
