He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
