No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
organizing the empties. That sober.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
