Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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