The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
