when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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