Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
