Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
