Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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