Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
