Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
