everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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