if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
