please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize