did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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