I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
