girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
