Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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