Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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