OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
