I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
