He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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