is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize