it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
