Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
