I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
