I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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