Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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