My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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