i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
