I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize