I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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