I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
