i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize