Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
