at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got inside last night via doggy door
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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