Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
