found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
