I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
