if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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