dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
