Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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