Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
