you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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