then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
