That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
