Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize