That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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