We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
