I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
