It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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