can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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