hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
