i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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