i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
